What do I want? (version 2)

[500 words]

Two months ago, I wanted this.

What I want now is to act as a conduit.

I want young people who are called by the spiritual path to become aware of me, and I want to tell them:

It’s OK! You can do totally do that! If you feel that calling, go! Forget what everyone else says! Throw this secular bullshit out the window! The worldly are a bunch of idiots. If you gotta go, you gotta go! Do so with my blessing! Have fun! Tell God and all the spirit-beings I say hi!

And I also want to be there for them when they come back with their eyes popping out of their sockets, all twitchy and drooling. And I want to tell them:

It’s OK! You don’t have to do that! You can come back! You can do what I do! You can just fool around and play with the other monkeys and pretend that……….. That… isn’t still over there and watching you and pulling you away from the world like a black hole. That’s possible too! Don’t worry — I’ve also had a look, gotten a little spooked, and decided that maybe playing along and being normal isn’t so bad after all.

What’s the current bullshit the worldly are telling themselves? We’re, what… homo sapiens? Homo sapiens sapiens? Homo sillypens? We’re on a planet in a galaxy and Big Bang and Heat Death? That’s your story? That’s what you think is going on? Really? Haha, sure.

It’s totally do-able. All you have to do is smile and nod and, as best I can tell, they will never even suspect you know otherwise! So just pick some kind of pleasantly repetitive task to keep you grounded, find a few monkeys you like, be the crazy aunt or uncle, and tell their kids amusing stories when they go out for a picnic.

If you’re lucky, you’ll even find a so-called “religion” with a bunch of silly rituals which doesn’t make you want to vomit.

You can totally pull it off!

Look, man — if *I* can do it, so can you.

Problem is, if I keep talking like this, some of you might actually take it seriously and try to come and see me in person.

If that happens, we’ll probably make eye contact.

And if that happens, we’ll create a feedback loop in the space-time-consciousness continuum that we’ll probably need an infinitely long team of horses to pull us out of.

So, let’s all exercise caution on this one, yeah?


OK, but the more down-to-Earth thing I want is to be a conduit for all the young, confused white men out there.

As far as I can tell at the moment, the path will go:

  1. Depression
  2. Jordan Peterson
  3. Me
  4. Themselves

In other words, I’m there to be like:

You can be Not-Depressed and also Not-Sexist-and-Racist!

How cool is that?!

Imagine how much more everyone will like you now!!

You might even be able to get laid at this rate!!

So if I can’t have the first one, I guess I’ll settle for this one.



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